Human relationship is a very delicate affair. But we all want to build effective and lasting relationships. This enables us to get along well with people around us. It is needless to say that we are all building effective and lasting relationships. If you are seriously building effective and lasting relationships, there are some do’s and don’ts you may consider. They are explained as below:
Some Do’s
1. Love And Respect Others
Love and respect lay the very foundation for lasting relationships. You can show love and respect by listening to others sincerely to understand what they actually want to convey to you. If you want to love and respect others, love and respect yourself first. If you don’t love yourself and don’t have self respect, it will be very difficult for you to love and respect others. And people also will not love and respect you.
2. Sort Out Differences Quickly
Sort out any differences as quickly as possible. Delay in tackling the differences between you and others may turn the relationship strained and sore. It is natural that you and the other person may have two different viewpoints. Informal discussions can lead both of you to bring out the issues without much difficulty. And both of you will feel relaxed in thinking more clearly. And the reconciliation could turn out to be easier than you thought.
3. Be Understanding
Understanding others’ feelings paves a way for building effective relationships. The easiest method to understand what they feel is to ask them. Then listen to what they have to say. Effective and lasting relationships require you and the other persons to openly express your as well as their feelings on all matters related to relationship. Don’t assume that the other persons know what you need. Never assume that they will provide everything you need without your asking them for it.
4. Listen Carefully What Others Say
Create an atmosphere in which the other persons can express their feelings. Then, listen carefully what they have to say. Don’t interrupt when someone is saying something. Some people are too impatient listening to others. They don’t allow others to complete even one sentence. They frequently interrupt and bring forth their preconceived ideas. They are normally biased and they don’t like any new idea. They live in a tradition of their own.
If you are building relationships with such people, allow them to talk until they drop. But make a note in your mind of whatever good points included in their talks. When they are exhausted, speak briefly only to appreciate them. Point out the good points with a smile and thank them for their knowledge. They will be highly elated. And a relationship can be easily established.
5. Look For Others’ Interests
Look for others’ interest first before you put forth yours. If you talk to them mostly relating to their needs and interests, they will carefully listen. If you talk mainly about your interest, they will get bored. Never frequently use the word “I” the pronoun that is the worst enemy of human relationship. Instead, say “We.” That shows we are one and together in the present situation.
Some Don’ts
1. Don’t Argue With Others
Even if you win an argument, you still are a loser in human relationship. Suppose you and another person engage in a very serious argument. Suppose the other person has won the argument. How will you feel? Will you accept the defeat easily? Never! You may wear a fake smile on your face. But deep down in your heart, an uncomfortable feeling has already formed. You are hurt. Even if you are a reasonable person, you can’t forget the bitterness about your defeat. In case you win, the other person will experience the same thing. And a cordial relationship can’t be established. So don’t indulge in any kind of argument.
2. Don’t Hurt Others’ Sentiment
When you talk to others, don’t talk about things that will hurt their sentiment. Hurting others’ sentiment is a great mistake in building relationships. Some people unknowingly do it. Some people babble instead of talking. They open their mouth and say something first and then, maybe, think later. Such people are dangerous because their talks often hurt the sentiments of others. The result is an effective relationship can’t be established.
If you are building effective relationships, don’t forget to think before you speak. Choose your words and sentences that will be favorable to human relationship. Speak out only when needed. Otherwise, listen to others most of the time. You will become a popular person.
3. Don’t Judge Others Indiscriminately
Don’t quickly judge other persons seeing their face. Don’t judge them on unfounded facts and prejudice. Take your own time to do some analysis of how they behave. Some people may look rude outside but when you talk to them, they might turn out to be nice people. Some people might appear innocent but they may actually be a bad character. So don’t judge anybody in the first encounter.
4. Don’t Criticize Others Negatively
Criticizing in a negative way is dangerous in human relationship. If someone says you are always late. You don’t do anything good. You are lazy. You are hopeless. And so on. How will you react? You won’t be happy. You will hate that person. If they go on criticizing you, you may develop a lifelong hatred for that person. If you criticize a person negatively, they will act the same way as you do. So, avoid all kinds of negative criticism.
5. Don’t Complain About Others
Complaining shows the weakness or ill design of the complainer. If you complain about other persons, and if they come to know about it, your relation with them will be strained and bitter. And this will disrupt your efforts to build a relationship.
6. Don’t Blame Others For Your Own Faults
The world is full of people who indulge in blame game. But they don’t know that when they blame others, they are blaming themselves. Blaming others for their own faults is one of the ego-defense mechanisms. If they do something wrong, they don’t want to accept they did anything wrong. Rather they will start blaming others for their own faults. But this blame has serious repercussions. It breaks down the building of effective relationships. So if you are building a relationship, don’t blame anybody. Own the responsibility of the faults and mistakes you make. If somehow you yearn for blaming someone for your own fault, look into the mirror. There you will find him. Say loudly, “You are the person responsible for my faults.”
7. Don’t Look For Others’ Weaknesses
Nobody wants to feel weak. Even if they are really weak in something, they don’t want to accept that. Even if they realize their weaknesses, they will hide them. The matter becomes worse when someone points out their weaknesses. They will hate those who point out their weaknesses. And this will lay a big hurdle in the way to building relationships. So never try to find out or point out others’ weaknesses if you are seriously building effective relationships.
8. Don’t Try To Find Others’ Faults
Fault finding is very common amongst the ordinary people. Even if a person does lots of good things, the fault finders will try to pull them down for one small fault. The fault finders are negative people usually busy looking for loopholes and mistakes. They are not capable of appreciating the good works done by a person. They will be happy only if they can find a small fault of that person. They will make a big issue out of this small fault. These are the people who can make a mountain out of a molehill. They intentionally or unconsciously turn blind to all the good qualities of a person. They will find one weakness of the person and go on gossiping with loud laughter. They are noisy people. But remember what Mark Twain said, “Noise produces nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as though she has laid an asteroid.”If you are building relationships, turn blind to others’ faults. Far better, look at their good side, appreciate, and praise them.
Now you know some basics of building relationships. The rest is your turn. Train yourself. Almost all the great people in the past trained themselves. More importantly, go to the actual field and practice building human relationships.
Yours forever,
Rajendra Sagolsem
Some Do’s
1. Love And Respect Others
Love and respect lay the very foundation for lasting relationships. You can show love and respect by listening to others sincerely to understand what they actually want to convey to you. If you want to love and respect others, love and respect yourself first. If you don’t love yourself and don’t have self respect, it will be very difficult for you to love and respect others. And people also will not love and respect you.
2. Sort Out Differences Quickly
Sort out any differences as quickly as possible. Delay in tackling the differences between you and others may turn the relationship strained and sore. It is natural that you and the other person may have two different viewpoints. Informal discussions can lead both of you to bring out the issues without much difficulty. And both of you will feel relaxed in thinking more clearly. And the reconciliation could turn out to be easier than you thought.
3. Be Understanding
Understanding others’ feelings paves a way for building effective relationships. The easiest method to understand what they feel is to ask them. Then listen to what they have to say. Effective and lasting relationships require you and the other persons to openly express your as well as their feelings on all matters related to relationship. Don’t assume that the other persons know what you need. Never assume that they will provide everything you need without your asking them for it.
4. Listen Carefully What Others Say
Create an atmosphere in which the other persons can express their feelings. Then, listen carefully what they have to say. Don’t interrupt when someone is saying something. Some people are too impatient listening to others. They don’t allow others to complete even one sentence. They frequently interrupt and bring forth their preconceived ideas. They are normally biased and they don’t like any new idea. They live in a tradition of their own.
If you are building relationships with such people, allow them to talk until they drop. But make a note in your mind of whatever good points included in their talks. When they are exhausted, speak briefly only to appreciate them. Point out the good points with a smile and thank them for their knowledge. They will be highly elated. And a relationship can be easily established.
5. Look For Others’ Interests
Look for others’ interest first before you put forth yours. If you talk to them mostly relating to their needs and interests, they will carefully listen. If you talk mainly about your interest, they will get bored. Never frequently use the word “I” the pronoun that is the worst enemy of human relationship. Instead, say “We.” That shows we are one and together in the present situation.
Some Don’ts
1. Don’t Argue With Others
Even if you win an argument, you still are a loser in human relationship. Suppose you and another person engage in a very serious argument. Suppose the other person has won the argument. How will you feel? Will you accept the defeat easily? Never! You may wear a fake smile on your face. But deep down in your heart, an uncomfortable feeling has already formed. You are hurt. Even if you are a reasonable person, you can’t forget the bitterness about your defeat. In case you win, the other person will experience the same thing. And a cordial relationship can’t be established. So don’t indulge in any kind of argument.
2. Don’t Hurt Others’ Sentiment
When you talk to others, don’t talk about things that will hurt their sentiment. Hurting others’ sentiment is a great mistake in building relationships. Some people unknowingly do it. Some people babble instead of talking. They open their mouth and say something first and then, maybe, think later. Such people are dangerous because their talks often hurt the sentiments of others. The result is an effective relationship can’t be established.
If you are building effective relationships, don’t forget to think before you speak. Choose your words and sentences that will be favorable to human relationship. Speak out only when needed. Otherwise, listen to others most of the time. You will become a popular person.
3. Don’t Judge Others Indiscriminately
Don’t quickly judge other persons seeing their face. Don’t judge them on unfounded facts and prejudice. Take your own time to do some analysis of how they behave. Some people may look rude outside but when you talk to them, they might turn out to be nice people. Some people might appear innocent but they may actually be a bad character. So don’t judge anybody in the first encounter.
4. Don’t Criticize Others Negatively
Criticizing in a negative way is dangerous in human relationship. If someone says you are always late. You don’t do anything good. You are lazy. You are hopeless. And so on. How will you react? You won’t be happy. You will hate that person. If they go on criticizing you, you may develop a lifelong hatred for that person. If you criticize a person negatively, they will act the same way as you do. So, avoid all kinds of negative criticism.
5. Don’t Complain About Others
Complaining shows the weakness or ill design of the complainer. If you complain about other persons, and if they come to know about it, your relation with them will be strained and bitter. And this will disrupt your efforts to build a relationship.
6. Don’t Blame Others For Your Own Faults
The world is full of people who indulge in blame game. But they don’t know that when they blame others, they are blaming themselves. Blaming others for their own faults is one of the ego-defense mechanisms. If they do something wrong, they don’t want to accept they did anything wrong. Rather they will start blaming others for their own faults. But this blame has serious repercussions. It breaks down the building of effective relationships. So if you are building a relationship, don’t blame anybody. Own the responsibility of the faults and mistakes you make. If somehow you yearn for blaming someone for your own fault, look into the mirror. There you will find him. Say loudly, “You are the person responsible for my faults.”
7. Don’t Look For Others’ Weaknesses
Nobody wants to feel weak. Even if they are really weak in something, they don’t want to accept that. Even if they realize their weaknesses, they will hide them. The matter becomes worse when someone points out their weaknesses. They will hate those who point out their weaknesses. And this will lay a big hurdle in the way to building relationships. So never try to find out or point out others’ weaknesses if you are seriously building effective relationships.
8. Don’t Try To Find Others’ Faults
Fault finding is very common amongst the ordinary people. Even if a person does lots of good things, the fault finders will try to pull them down for one small fault. The fault finders are negative people usually busy looking for loopholes and mistakes. They are not capable of appreciating the good works done by a person. They will be happy only if they can find a small fault of that person. They will make a big issue out of this small fault. These are the people who can make a mountain out of a molehill. They intentionally or unconsciously turn blind to all the good qualities of a person. They will find one weakness of the person and go on gossiping with loud laughter. They are noisy people. But remember what Mark Twain said, “Noise produces nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as though she has laid an asteroid.”If you are building relationships, turn blind to others’ faults. Far better, look at their good side, appreciate, and praise them.
Now you know some basics of building relationships. The rest is your turn. Train yourself. Almost all the great people in the past trained themselves. More importantly, go to the actual field and practice building human relationships.
Yours forever,
Rajendra Sagolsem
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