Most people are just comfortable as they are. They are comfortable with what is going on in their surroundings. They are comfortable with the activities they are carrying out. They are comfortable with everything in their present level or location. This present level or location is their comfort zone. Everything is just fine, and they feel safe and sound there. They develop some sort of a fear for new surroundings. So they don’t want to come out of this zone.  

Just think about your present activities. Are you satisfied with what you are at present? Are you satisfied with your present activities? If the answers are positive, you are still stagnating in your comfort zone. Or do you think about improving your physical, mental, and emotional health? Do you think about improving your social and financial status? If you want to improve, how much effort will you be able to put in to do all these? You very well know that without putting efforts, you can’t achieve anything in life. If you want to improve your status and are ready to put in enough efforts, you are on your way to achieve what you want. Congratulate yourself because you are one of those 5-10% people in the world who are trying to come out of their comfort zone.

90% to 95% of people will withdraw to the comfort zone when what they try doesn't work. Only that small percentage, 5 or 10 percent, will continually raise the bar on themselves; they will push themselves out into the zone of discomfort, and these are always the highest performers in every field. (Brian Tracy)

Let us suppose you are living on the ground floor. And you are quite comfortable there. This ground floor is your shell inside which you live comfortably with a sense of security. This is your comfort zone. You might never think of going out of your comfort zone. Or maybe, you are afraid to do so. But opportunities for growth, progress, and success are on the other floors above you. Sometimes, you might be thinking of climbing up to the other floors and seek new opportunities. But you never did it. It is because either you were afraid to climb up or you felt pain while climbing up. So you came back to the ground floor which is your comfort zone.

Suppose, on the first floor, opportunities lie for your personal growth and positive changes. Once you climb up there, you will get better physical, mental, and emotional health. Your muscles will become bigger. Your heart will be healthier. Your lungs will absorb more oxygen. Your body fat will be burnt. Your skin will glow. And you will become a perfectly handsome or beautiful person.

Suppose, on the second floor, opportunities lie for social and financial growth. If you reach there, you will improve your financial position and social status. You will be able to interact with people of higher status.

Suppose, on the third floor, opportunities lie for your spiritual growth. If you climb up to that floor, you will attain self realization. You will come to know who you are and the purpose of your life.

And suppose, on the other floors above, so many unknown opportunities are waiting for you.

If you are not seeing any progress in your life, you are still inside your comfort zone. In order to make a positive change in your life, you have to expand your boundaries by climbing up to other floors. A few steps above your ground floor are all it takes to grow and improve yourself in physical, mental, and emotional health. Then why shouldn’t you take those few steps to live a better life? What makes those little steps so difficult for you?

The answer is simple. You are quite satisfied with your activities inside your comfort zone or you are afraid of success. Many people are afraid of success. That’s why they are not successful. They don’t want to come out of their comfort zone and take the risks. They very well know the saying, “No pain, no gain.” Still they are afraid of pain and sacrifice their gain. The moment they leave their comfort zone, they feel pain, discomfort, and awkwardness. So they move back to their comfort zone.

All positive changes take place outside the comfort zone. Therefore, change is painful to them because it lies outside their comfort zone. But change is the law of life. Without change there will be no progress. Most people are afraid of change. Therefore they fail to improve themselves.

Pain may be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. Those who are against the old adage, “No pain, no gain” are all in their comfort zone. These are the people who have not achieved anything worthwhile in their life. They are amongst the 90-95% people who are satisfied with everything in their comfort zone. Don’t follow them. Instead, follow those 5-10% people of the world who have come out of their comfort zone and achieved great things in their life.

The highest achievers are those who consistently push themselves out of their comfort zones. Instead of withdrawing to their comfort zones when they don't get immediate results, they force themselves to stay at this awkward, uncomfortable and painful level of performance until the pain finally subsides and they become comfortable at the new higher level (University of Chicago research result).

If you want to improve yourself and succeed, don’t avoid pain. Rather embrace it and accept it as part of your endeavor. Benefits of growth and success should outweigh the pain and discomfort.

Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit however, it lasts forever (Cyclist Lance Armstrong).

I hated every minute of the training. But I said to myself, bear the pain NOW and live the rest of your life as a champion ((Muhammad Ali).

Now look at your ground floor, your comfort zone. Do you think you can expand it without climbing up to other floors? Never! Imagine coming out of your comfort zone and climbing up to higher floors. And imagine looking down to see how small a space you occupied before. So now come out of your comfort zone, and see how countless opportunities are waiting for you.

Compared to what we ought to be, we are only half awake. Our fires are dampened, our drafts are checked. We are making use of only a small part of our possible mental and physical resources. The human individual thus lives usually far within his limits; he possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use. He energizes below his maximum, and he behaves below his optimum (William James).

Remember, you have a great potential. But you are using only a tiny fraction of your physical potential and even less of your mind. Wake up now and jump out of your comfort zone. Improve your health. Improve your personality. Improve your status. Set your new goals to achieve in your life time. Put in the required efforts. Achieving your goal is the cost of your efforts. Embrace the pain, discomfort, embarrassment, and awkwardness in the changed situation. They will not last long. If you are determined and patient enough to stay at this new level or location, every discomfort will turn into comfort. The pain will become pleasure. Embarrassment and awkwardness will all subside.

Moreover, pain of every change is forgotten when the benefits of that change are realized (Tom Hopkins).

Have you seen any deceleration in the intellectual, athletic, and scientific advancement during the past few decades? You might not have. On the contrary, the progress is accelerating in a never before speed. Knowledge in every field is increasing. And this is mainly because of those brave souls who had the guts to come out of their comfort zone. You might wonder to see the mediocre masses left far behind while the progress is accelerating in every field. This is simply because the mediocrities would rather retreat to their comfort zone. They prefer the stability and security of their comfort zone rather than to step forward to grow and excel.

By now, you might have given some thought to the reasons why you should come out of your comfort zone. And you might have been well motivated to climb up to the first floor. Suppose you have collected all your courage. You have decided to take those few steps to climb up. You have also decided to bear all the pain and discomfort in your new surroundings. And you have finally reached the first floor. But I must warn you! Make sure that the first floor doesn’t become another comfort zone for you. Don’t stagnate there for long. As soon as you get whatever you wanted to get from the first floor, get ready for the next mission. Climb up to the second floor. When your mission is successfully completed there, immediately go up to third floor. Continue climbing continuously until you realize your worth and live a far better life.

Remember, we must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons (Jim Rohn). Which one you like: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret? My suggestion is choose the pain of discipline and live a successful life. All pains will be forgotten when you achieve something great in life.

It is better to die for something than to live for nothing (Bob Jones). Instead of living a stagnating and degenerating life inside your comfort zone doing nothing worthwhile, come out now to do something great in your life.

Yours forever,

Rajendra Sagolsem

 
Human relationship is a very delicate affair. But we all want to build effective and lasting relationships. This enables us to get along well with people around us. It is needless to say that we are all building effective and lasting relationships. If you are seriously building effective and lasting relationships, there are some do’s and don’ts you may consider. They are explained as below:

Some Do’s

1. Love And Respect Others

Love and respect lay the very foundation for lasting relationships. You can show love and respect by listening to others sincerely to understand what they actually want to convey to you. If you want to love and respect others, love and respect yourself first. If you don’t love yourself and don’t have self respect, it will be very difficult for you to love and respect others. And people also will not love and respect you.

2. Sort Out Differences Quickly

Sort out any differences as quickly as possible. Delay in tackling the differences between you and others may turn the relationship strained and sore. It is natural that you and the other person may have two different viewpoints. Informal discussions can lead both of you to bring out the issues without much difficulty. And both of you will feel relaxed in thinking more clearly. And the reconciliation could turn out to be easier than you thought.

3. Be Understanding

Understanding others’ feelings paves a way for building effective relationships. The easiest method to understand what they feel is to ask them. Then listen to what they have to say. Effective and lasting relationships require you and the other persons to openly express your as well as their feelings on all matters related to relationship. Don’t assume that the other persons know what you need. Never assume that they will provide everything you need without your asking them for it.

4. Listen Carefully What Others Say

Create an atmosphere in which the other persons can express their feelings. Then, listen carefully what they have to say. Don’t interrupt when someone is saying something. Some people are too impatient listening to others. They don’t allow others to complete even one sentence. They frequently interrupt and bring forth their preconceived ideas. They are normally biased and they don’t like any new idea. They live in a tradition of their own.

If you are building relationships with such people, allow them to talk until they drop. But make a note in your mind of whatever good points included in their talks. When they are exhausted, speak briefly only to appreciate them. Point out the good points with a smile and thank them for their knowledge. They will be highly elated. And a relationship can be easily established. 

5. Look For Others’ Interests

Look for others’ interest first before you put forth yours. If you talk to them mostly relating to their needs and interests, they will carefully listen. If you talk mainly about your interest, they will get bored. Never frequently use the word “I” the pronoun that is the worst enemy of human relationship. Instead, say “We.” That shows we are one and together in the present situation.

Some Don’ts

1. Don’t Argue With Others

Even if you win an argument, you still are a loser in human relationship. Suppose you and another person engage in a very serious argument. Suppose the other person has won the argument. How will you feel? Will you accept the defeat easily? Never! You may wear a fake smile on your face. But deep down in your heart, an uncomfortable feeling has already formed. You are hurt. Even if you are a reasonable person, you can’t forget the bitterness about your defeat. In case you win, the other person will experience the same thing. And a cordial relationship can’t be established. So don’t indulge in any kind of argument.

2. Don’t Hurt Others’ Sentiment

When you talk to others, don’t talk about things that will hurt their sentiment. Hurting others’ sentiment is a great mistake in building relationships. Some people unknowingly do it. Some people babble instead of talking. They open their mouth and say something first and then, maybe, think later. Such people are dangerous because their talks often hurt the sentiments of others. The result is an effective relationship can’t be established.

If you are building effective relationships, don’t forget to think before you speak. Choose your words and sentences that will be favorable to human relationship. Speak out only when needed. Otherwise, listen to others most of the time. You will become a popular person.  

3. Don’t Judge Others Indiscriminately

Don’t quickly judge other persons seeing their face. Don’t judge them on unfounded facts and prejudice. Take your own time to do some analysis of how they behave. Some people may look rude outside but when you talk to them, they might turn out to be nice people. Some people might appear innocent but they may actually be a bad character. So don’t judge anybody in the first encounter.

4. Don’t Criticize Others Negatively

Criticizing in a negative way is dangerous in human relationship. If someone says you are always late. You don’t do anything good. You are lazy. You are hopeless. And so on. How will you react? You won’t be happy. You will hate that person. If they go on criticizing you, you may develop a lifelong hatred for that person. If you criticize a person negatively, they will act the same way as you do. So, avoid all kinds of negative criticism. 

5. Don’t Complain About Others

Complaining shows the weakness or ill design of the complainer. If you complain about other persons, and if they come to know about it, your relation with them will be strained and bitter. And this will disrupt your efforts to build a relationship. 

6. Don’t Blame Others For Your Own Faults

The world is full of people who indulge in blame game. But they don’t know that when they blame others, they are blaming themselves. Blaming others for their own faults is one of the ego-defense mechanisms. If they do something wrong, they don’t want to accept they did anything wrong. Rather they will start blaming others for their own faults. But this blame has serious repercussions. It breaks down the building of effective relationships. So if you are building a relationship, don’t blame anybody. Own the responsibility of the faults and mistakes you make. If somehow you yearn for blaming someone for your own fault, look into the mirror. There you will find him. Say loudly, “You are the person responsible for my faults.”     

7. Don’t Look For Others’ Weaknesses

Nobody wants to feel weak. Even if they are really weak in something, they don’t want to accept that. Even if they realize their weaknesses, they will hide them. The matter becomes worse when someone points out their weaknesses. They will hate those who point out their weaknesses. And this will lay a big hurdle in the way to building relationships. So never try to find out or point out others’ weaknesses if you are seriously building effective relationships.

8. Don’t Try To Find Others’ Faults

Fault finding is very common amongst the ordinary people. Even if a person does lots of good things, the fault finders will try to pull them down for one small fault. The fault finders are negative people usually busy looking for loopholes and mistakes. They are not capable of appreciating the good works done by a person. They will be happy only if they can find a small fault of that person. They will make a big issue out of this small fault. These are the people who can make a mountain out of a molehill. They intentionally or unconsciously turn blind to all the good qualities of a person. They will find one weakness of the person and go on gossiping with loud laughter. They are noisy people. But remember what Mark Twain said, “Noise produces nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as though she has laid an asteroid.”If you are building relationships, turn blind to others’ faults. Far better, look at their good side, appreciate, and praise them.        

Now you know some basics of building relationships. The rest is your turn. Train yourself. Almost all the great people in the past trained themselves. More importantly, go to the actual field and practice building human relationships.

Yours forever,
Rajendra Sagolsem