Body language is one of the non-verbal modes of communication. All of us are in constant use of it whenever we talk with others. It involves gestures and other body movements. It is said that body language makes up 55% of our communication.
Our spoken words constitute only 7% and the remaining 38% is credited for the tone of our speech. The skill to use body language in a positive way can be learned like other skills. If you can interpret different forms of gestures and movements, you can read other people's mind.
How to read the body language signs?
We use body language everyday in our lives to convey our messages. Though we use this language all the time, most of us are unaware of its existence. Most of us don’t know our body movements can convey our messages to others. Our body language expresses so much more than what our spoken words do. If you seriously desire to speak fluent body language, learn the following signs:
Looking into your eyes:
If people are interested in listening to you, they will look into your eyes with their head slanting a little back. Sometimes they may look away. But more than 60% of the time, they will maintain eye contact. If they look into your eyes with their widely opened eyes, take it for granted that they are more interested in listening to you. Besides looking into your eyes, their heads will be inclined forward towards you while listening to you. They will nod their heads whenever they agree with what you say. That also means they are attentive in listening to you. They may show their agreement with frequent smiles also.
Looking into your eyes with their head down may indicate they are angry, suspicious, or doubtful.
People showing their confidence or authority will also maintain firm eye contact. They will rarely look at other body parts below your nose. They will rather gaze at your eyes or your nose. When they look at your nose, you will think they are looking into your eyes.
Besides their gazing, they will speak with a low-pitched and slow-paced voice. They will slant their chin up and talk down to others. They will project their chest outward. They will maintain an erect posture. They will have a firm handshake. They will lean back with both hands supporting their head. They will walk fast with forceful arm swings. They will show their dominance by rising or elevating themselves from others. They will choose a chair or location where others will have to look up at them.
Smiling:
Smiling shows openness to agree with you. The people you are talking to will smile frequently indicating friendliness and willingness to cooperate with you. Besides smiling, they will place their hands flat on the table. They will keep their palms open. Their heads will be inclined forward. They will nod their heads. They will keep their legs widely apart from each other showing openness. They will keep their hands widely open showing genuineness. If they place their hands in their chest, they are showing openness, sincerity, honesty, and dedication. However, a woman putting her hands in her chest is is a defensive mode. It may also show her surprise.
Thinking:
When people are thinking, they will stroke their chin. They may take off their glasses. They will either clean the glasses or put the tip of the frame between their lips. They will squeeze the bridge of the nose most likely with eyes closed. Or they may massage their forehead and eyebrows with their fingers. This shows they are thinking a little more deeply. Such gesture shows they are thinking about some problem and a way out. If they walk slowly with their hands behind, one hand locked by the other, they are definitely worried about something, and thinking to find out a solution. Keeping quiet:
Keeping quiet is most probably the sign of frustration or disappointment. People may just keep quiet while making certain body movements that indicate how frustrated or how disappointed they are. They will scratch or rub the hair or the back of the neck. They will kick the air or the dust.
People may shut their mouth to hide a secret. But certain gestures can indicate that they are hiding something. They don’t want others to know it. They will walk with their hands in their pockets. They may cross their arms. Anyhow they will hide their hands as if they are hiding the secret.
Speaking less:
People who are action-oriented seldom talk too much. If they are are goal-oriented and highly motivated, they speak less. They will show by their actions. They will walk fast swinging their arms freely. They will place their hands on their hips, usually with their legs apart. This may indicate a flow of vitality.
Yawning:
Yawning shows boredom. If people are yawning while listening to you, take it for granted that they are getting bored. Besides yawning, they will bang their pen, tap their feet, and drum their fingers. These actions indicate boredom. They will support their head with their palm. They will pull their ears. They will yawn continuously. In a hall, their feet or other body parts will direct towards EXIT as if they want to run away. They will move impatiently in their seats. These actions show that they are not comfortable. They are getting bored. Females will cross their legs and constantly swing one of their feet in a slight motion.
Clenching Fists:
People with clenched fists show resistance, nervousness, tension or anger. Besides clenching their fists, they will tap their hands or feet. They will clutch one hand with the other hand, arm, or elbow. They will cross their arms over their chest. They will blink their eyes constantly. They will pull their shirt collar away from the neck as if they getting hot. They are restless and will move themselves or parts of their body here and there frequently. They will kick the air or dust.
They will interlock their fingers of both hands just like some people do in prayers. They will speak in a high-pitched, fast-paced, stammering voice. Nervous people will whistle to conceal and fight their nervousness. They will often clear their throat. They will put their arms at the back, one hand clutching the wrist or the forearm. They will cross their legs while standing to hide their shakiness.
Peeping Sideways:
When people have some doubts or when they suspect you, they will peep sideways from the corners of their eyes. They will also rub or touch their eyes or ears. They will tuck their hands in their pockets. They will cross their arms over their chest. They will pull down their glasses up to the lower bridge of their nose, with eyes peering over them. They are examining you closely. There is one act you usually do when you are the one doubting yourself - rubbing or touching your nose. This subconsciously occurs when you are uncertain of how to answer a critical question.
Avoiding Eye Contact:
If the people talking with you are lying, they will avoid eye contact. If they are getting bored listening to you, they will often hang down their eyes. They will show their distraction staring at a blank space without blinking their eyes. They will look around frequently half listening to you. They will constantly swallow saliva and frequently clear their throat. They will look somewhere else and peep from the corners of their eyes. They will often moist their lips with the tip of their tongue. They will wink rapidly. They will rub their throat. They will constantly touch their lips, ears, and nose. They will scratch their head or the back of the neck. They will always look down with shrugged shoulders. They will constantly move from one place to another or change their postures.
The Last Words:
Every person has a unique body language. Although silence usually denotes that an individual is reserved and relaxed, some people keep their anger within themselves and stay quiet. A wide open mouth may indicate shock or astonishment for one person, while another person who performs this gesture could just be concentrating intently on a task they are doing. Constantly touching the lips may indicate lying, although the real reason might just be that the lips are itching. So, watch out for other signs that associate with the body language being exhibited. Don’t judge a person based on one or two gestures. Observe the body language of the other people. But in order to get more clues about what the people feel, corroborate your observations with their spoken words.
Yours forever,
Rajendra Sagolsem
You have been told time and again by your parents and teachers, “Work hard.” That is a good advice. But do you know that not all the hard working people are successful in their life? If you want success in anything you do, you have to work smart. Smart work means hard work plus intelligent planning. All the successful people plan their work first and then work their plan later. They keep everything ready before they start the actual work like you prepare a blueprint before you start the construction of your house.
Do you want to follow most of what your teacher says in the class? Obviously, your answer will be, “Yes.” If so, I will ask you a few questions. Do you ever jot down important points of what your teacher teaches in the class? Do you think you can’t remember what exactly your teacher said? Your class note is a jumble and you can’t distinguish which one is more important. Is this the situation for you? Yes? Well, don’t worry. There are many strategies to help you jot down note in the class and then make your own beautiful notes by consulting your textbooks and teachers. Plan everything before you start your serious and exhaustive study.
To get you started, here are a few tips you can implement from tomorrow:
When you jot down important points in the class, attempt to use color pens and pencils. Highlight or underline those points which you feel are more important. Prepare your own notes. Don’t write directly from the textbooks. Include graphs, diagrams and charts when you make your own notes. Write summaries of your notes and enter them in a long note book. While doing so, you will come across new terms and ideas. This is equivalent to preliminary study of the topic.
The following are the benefits you will get out of your new strategy.
1. Using Color Pens and Pencils
It may not be easy for you to look for more important points if your class note is just a jumble. You will waste your valuable time searching for the points you want to include in your own notes. Suppose you use green ink for important points, blue ink for more important and black ink for less important ones. Then there is no question of wasting your time. That is why you should use color pens and pencils to note down important points in the class. When you do this on a regular basis, it will be much easier for you to scan your class notes for specific or more important points.
2. Highlighting or Underlining The Most Important Points
Highlight with transparent inks or underline the most important points which you will surely want to include in your own notes. This is very essential while taking notes. Use your creative mind and explore different methods you think useful. Some examples are ticking and circling the points with different colors. That will draw your attention easily and instantly.
3. Including Graphs, Diagrams and Charts in Your Own Notes
Your answer with graphs, diagrams and charts will impress the examiner. Wherever possible draw a graph or make a chart or a diagram. Many things are easier to draw than to write. Some concepts are easier to explain with diagrams. Use colors, shading and different text colors to make the graphs, diagrams and charts. That will make it easier for the examiner to understand what you want to express. Keep this point while making your own notes.
4. Writing Summaries of Your Notes
Write summaries of your own notes exactly in the same way as you will write in the exam. However make room for lengthening or shortening them as the questions demand. Rewrite them in a long note book. Keep note books separately for each subject. Plan everything beforehand. Start your preparation right away. Otherwise your burden will be too heavy later on.
5. Reading Before You Go To Class
Read the topic before you go to the class. This is a simple way to absorb, understand and remember the material with much less time and effort. The topic will not be new to you and the class lecture is a sort of revision for you. Your teacher may come up with new ideas and different approach. If that is so, don’t forget to jot down the new points.
When you read before going to class, look at a few sample questions. You can even make a few questions yourself to ask in the class. Then when you get into class, everything seems familiar. You are hearing everything for the second time and you begin to remember and reinforce your learning. Then you leave the class with a better understanding of the topic.
Most students go to class and hear the lecture on a topic for the first time. They may not be familiar with the new topic. So they don’t quickly understand the concept of the topic. When the class is over, some students might have understood something. But some others might not have grasped even an iota of the concept. These students have to do serious home study.
6. Doing Speed Reading and Speed Learning
Do speed reading. If you do this, your concentration will be more. A normal student read about 300 words per minute. Some brilliant students can increase their speed to 1800 words per minute. If you can increase your speed, you will come to know the benefits. I will give you an example. You know how to drive a vehicle. Drive slowly at the speed of 20 km/hour. At this speed, you don’t need to concentrate on your driving. If you drive at the speed of 90-100 km/hour, you will certainly concentrate on your driving. You will be alert and careful. So if you read faster than average, you will concentrate more on the topic and you will grasp more and understand more.
7. Beating Procrastination
We all procrastinate, but high achieving students do it much less and therefore get better grades with less efforts. They study something every day and their burden is less at the end. Overcoming procrastination requires that you know why you are procrastinating. Maybe, procrastination is your habit. You always think you will do it later. You always promise to yourself that you will start from tomorrow. But you never keep your promise. If you procrastinate, you will suffer at the end. You have to double or triple your efforts when the final exam knocks at your door.
How Will You Study Specific Subjects?
Let us take an example of how you will study Physics smarter than anyone else in your class. Your study should be broken down into smaller parts like the following:
(a) Collect and study ten years’ exam questions. There should be some pattern. You may find some questions being repeated every alternate year. (b) Rearrange your class notes, lab experiment results and other study materials. (d) Read any chapter you feel important. (c) Extract the most important points of that chapter. (e) Revise one or two of the lab experiments so far conducted by you so as to understand them better for the exam. (f) Rewrite your notes adding new points and dropping less important or unnecessary repetition of ideas. Always remember, planned actions always pay you a nice dividend.
By making things look smaller, easier and quicker to do, you will get more done with less effort. But more importantly, your confidence will increase and your stress level will decrease. Soon, you will start feeling the change. Your ability to learn and master any subject will highly improve. It will be a great feeling for you, especially when you learn to do something quickly.
To help you concentrate on your study, you should keep your table clean with only what you need. Remove unnecessary decorative pieces on your table. Make your book shelf neat and clean. Arrange everything on your shelf systematically. You should get immediately whatever you want from the shelf. Dust, clean and wash your table. If everything in the surrounding is clean, your mind will be clean. The reverse is also true. If your mind is clean, everything in your surrounding will be clean.
Many students waste a lot of time doing things that don't work. That frustrates and demotivates them. Study skill is something that can be learned and mastered. You should find out the strategy that works for you. If you are already getting good grades, why not attempt to get better grades? If you are getting better grades, why not attempt to get best grades? And why shouldn’t you do it even faster and easier? Become a Speed Reader and Speed Learner. You as a Speed Learner and Speed Reader will absorb a lot faster.
And you know what? You will be regarded as a genius by your class mates and teachers. How will you feel that time? Think about it.
Yours forever,
Rajendra Sagolsem
If the students are left alone, some may secure good marks in their exams and some other may not. Therefore it is essential that the students are trained to improve their study habits. They need to learn scientifically proven study techniques.
There are certain laws of learning and principles of study that can help a student plan their home study well. They help the students improve their study skills and habits of learning. They are explained as below:
Laws of Learning
There are various laws of learning. Some of them are (a) Law of readiness, (b) Law of use and disuse, and (c) Law of reinforcement.
(a) According to Law of readiness, “To learn something, one has to be ready to learn it.”
(b) According to Law of use and disuse, “If you use it, you will remember it; if you disuse it, you will forget it.” A sub-law which is very important is the law of exercise. According to this law, “The more you use it, the more it gets strengthened.”
(c) According to Law of reinforcement, “If you learn it now and reinforce it after a gap, the learning is strengthened.”
Improve Your Study Techniques
If you want to improve your study techniques, apply the following scientifically proven methods in your study:
1. Plan your study
Plan your study well and prioritize them. Select the subjects and topics that require your urgent attention. Be realistic in your plan. If this is done, you will not waste your valuable time. Without proper planning, nothing can be done satisfactorily. And this applies to your study too.
2. Think about your benefits
Think about the benefits you will get out of your regular and well planned studies. Keep the benefits in your mind as a motivating factor. It can help you decide why you should study regularly. It can help you understand how to learn well. Focus on an aim, whether getting good marks in your exams or becoming what you want to become in life.
3. Select a pleasant environment
Select a pleasant place where you can study without any kind of distraction. The atmosphere of the place you have selected should be conducive to your study. You can’t compromise with the facilities available. The table, the chair and other furniture should be conveniently available. And they should be comfortable for your study. Maintain a shelf where you can systematically arrange all the materials necessary for your study. The study materials should be easily accessible.
4. Keep a time schedule
Select your best study time according to availability. Normally however morning and evening are the best time for your home study. Study at least for four hours a day. Adjust your study time so that you can sleep at least six hours a day. Better, just make a realistic Time Table and strictly follow it. Discipline yourself so that you don’t deviate from the Time Table you make for your study.
5. Break up your study
If you have a large topic, break it up into smaller parts. Don’t study a topic or a part thereof for more than one hour. Mental fatigue arrives after one hour. Once you are mentally fatigued, you can’t absorb more. And your study will be ineffective. Take breaks. Learn a topic or a part of it within forty five minutes. Take a break for fifteen minutes. During this break, take up your pen and paper and write down whatever you have learned in the previous forty five minutes. If possible, change your place. If not, change your chair at least.
6. Revise your studies
Simply learning a topic is not enough. You have to revise it at least for four times. Remember what the Law of reinforcement says, “If you learn it now and reinforce it after a gap, the learning is strengthened.” You have already done your first revision. That fifteen minutes you used to write was your first revision. Now revise the same topic after forty eight hours. This is your second revision. Your third revision will be after fifteen days. The last revision will be just before a test or the major exam.
7. Make your own notes
It is far better if you make your own notes. But consult your teachers while making your own notes. Or make your notes and show them to your teachers. They will only be happy to make corrections and give you further advice. Maintain a note book for each subject. Rewrite all your notes after being corrected. File them for easy access for further retrieval. Otherwise, even the best notes you have made become useless.
8. Move from easy to difficult
Start your home study with a subject you feel at ease. Then move on to the more difficult ones. This practice will give you the readiness to study and learn. Remember the Law of readiness, “To learn something, one has to be ready to learn it.” If you start with a difficult subject, you may not be able to give a serious attention on your study. However later on, as the momentum of your study catches you up, spend more time on those subjects or topics that you feel difficult. This will help you gain mastery over them.
Study Effectively
You can benefit by using the SQ3R method. This method is explained as below:
S – Scan the chapter or topic to understand the subject matter. This will help you focus better.
Q – For each chapter or topic, there will be some sample questions at the end. Your teachers might have suggested some of them. You can also get sample questions from the previous exams or you can develop your own questions for each topic. Understand what the questions demand from you.
R1 – Read to find answers to the questions in hand. As you read, go on writing down the important points to be included in your own notes.
R2 – Recite or rewrite the important points of the answer in your own words. This will help you in understanding the answer.
R3 – Revise whatever you have studied in the previous days. Revise four times at least.
Always study intelligently. Note down all the key points as you read on. Look for important terms and formulas. Underline important points. Make your own diagrams and charts wherever necessary. This will improve your understanding. You will also make a good impression with your diagrams and charts in your answers.
Yours forever,
Rajendra Sagolsem
We feel sorry when we make mistakes. What is worse is we feel guilty when we make mistakes as if we have committed some sort of a crime. But making mistakes is no crime. Do you make mistakes intentionally? You don’t for sure.In human relationship, if you make a mistake, you say “Sorry” to the other person or to the group. But in your journey to your success, your mistakes are your best teachers. Mistakes are small failures and failures are said to be the pillars of success. Albert Einstein said, “A person, who never made a mistake never tried anything new.” Lethargic and sluggish people seldom make mistakes because they don’t do anything challenging in life. Easy going people don’t make mistakes. Those who don’t have something to achieve in life don’t make mistakes because they don’t need to do anything. If you are serious and choose to live a challenging life, you ought to make mistakes. In your life’s journey, you will make so many mistakes whether small
or big.
No one is perfect, and we are all lifelong learners. We learn from our mistakes
better than anything else. If you make efforts to achieve something, you ought
to make mistakes. If you try to solve a problem, you can’t solve it in one attempt. If your first attempt solves a big problem, it may almost be a magical chance. It doesn’t happen too often. And moreover, there will be no charm if you find a solution by chance. You apply different approaches and eventually, one of your approaches works. This is the real thrill. Your efforts have been rewarded. Jack Canfield says, "As you begin to take action toward the fulfillment of your goals and dreams, you must realize that not every action will be perfect. Not every action will produce the desired result. Not every action will work. Making mistakes, getting it almost right, and experimenting to see what happens are all part of the process of eventually getting it right."
One of the biggest reasons why you might not like to do something new and challenging is fear of making mistake. If you can’t overcome this fear, it will stop you from doing anything new. And this is going to happen not only to you but to all of us. If fear is in our mind, we can’t proceed. Everybody fails sometimes or the other. But it is quite normal. A person’s failure is related to time and situation. The person is not a failure. If they don’t quit, someday they will achieve success. Mistakes are also just circumstantial. They are not fatal or permanent. One mistake doesn’t make the end of life.
In the academic world, mistakes are perceived as bad and to be avoided. For the first twenty five years of your life, you have been taught that mistakes are bad and embarrassing. But in fact, mistakes are simply opportunities to learn something new. The more mistakes you make, the more you will learn and the greater chance you will get of succeeding on their next one or two attempts. The key, however, is to learn from your mistakes and never to makethe same mistake twice.
Thomas Alva Edison wouldn’t have invented the light bulb if he didn’t take this principle to heart. As you already know, he made thousands of mistakes before he created the electric bulb. The question, “What if I fail,” never came to his mind. He was optimistic enough to consider his one failure as one important step forward. He never stopped making mistakes after mistakes. His mistakes helped him refine and narrow down his search as he proceeded, drawing him closer and closer to his goal. And his determination paid and eventually, he succeeded in perfecting his bulb.
You have surely heard of Levi Strauss and Christopher Columbus. Strauss headed for the gold mines of California in hopes of gold and reputation. But he found nothing. He made a big mistake. But his mistake gave him a new idea. He started selling pants stitched out of the canvas used by his miners. And he was successful in this business. Today, we hear of Levi Strauss jeans or simply Levi’s Jeans. Many of us are wearing them too.
Columbus failed miserably in his mission to find a route to India. He made big mistakes in sailing in the right direction. However, his mistakes gave him a new opportunity. He found a new world. And that is American Continent.
By taking action and learning from your mistakes, you will gain new knowledge and become aware of many new opportunities. When you seriously want to achieve something, it is time to make some mistakes. Go ahead. 99% mistakes in your struggle will lay a solid foundation for 1% success. That means if you are successful in the hundredth attempt, you made 99 mistakes in your endeavor.
Don’t Be Afraid Of Making Mistakes
Most people are afraid to make even one mistake. They are afraid of trying something new. They keep assuring themselves of the very inevitable thing they are afraid of: the failure. “What if I fail” is the thought that is haunting them day and night whenever they think of taking up a new venture. If you are venturing into a new field, you are entitled to make mistakes. You may fail a few times. But don’t get discouraged. You have to learn your lessons from your own mistakes. Only then you will be able to come out as a winner.However, making mistakes doesn’t mean taking wild chances. You have to make calculated moves. After every mistake you commit, you should become smarter.
Fear is something that stops us from making a decision. You might be recalling times when fear had frozen you in your way. Someone nicely said, “Fear and worry are the interests paid in advance for a loan you may never obtain.”Fear of making mistakes is an imagined fear, not a real one. The fear of this kind is totally unsubstantiated. Don’t allow fear of making mistakes to keep you from doing something new and worthwhile in your life. You won’t learn as much from winning as you will from losing. Your mistakes teach you much more than your victories do. Let me remind you once again. To achieve one success, you have to make 99% mistakes in your endeavor.
Magical Discoveries
We normally don’t succeed in our first or second attempt. As we continue making mistakes one after another, we often encounter the magical discoveries. Some people make unexpected and fortunate discoveries. It may be just an accidental good luck. Or it may be the result of the combination of the mistakes they committed. You may be afraid of something to be a terrible mistake. But who knows, it might possibly turn out to be the perfect solution to your problem. Watch out, such discoveries might come to you too. But don’t wait. Carry on with your activities. Chance seldom comes to an idle person.
Grabbing New Ideas
Insights come suddenly. They come like a flash. You may call it a mere chance. Or you may consider it as the imminent result of your thinking, imagination, and speculation about finding a solution to your problem. Whether the creative thought gets into your conscious mind from outside or it comes out of your subconscious is not the question. Grabbing the new ideas is what matters most. However, if you don’t try and make mistakes and learn from them, possibility of a success is absolutely dim. Look for new ideas and broaden your mind. You will feel the change in YOU. Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “Man’s mind stretched to a new idea, never goes back to its original dimensions.”
Thinking Out Of The Box
You need to think out of the box. Think something completely different. You may think about the same problem. But think in a different way. Turn it sideways. Turn it upside down. Look at the whole thing from different angles. Take an entirely different approach to your problem. You may make some or many mistakes in your attempts. But finally you will get the right outcome.
For many, thinking out the box seems difficult. We are creatures of habit. We tend to do the same things as we have always been doing. We usually do exactly how we are taught to do. Scott Adams said, “Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”
Remember what Joe Louis said? He said,“Everybody wants to go to heaven. But nobody wants to die.” To die is prerequisite for going to heaven. Likewise, many people want to do great things in life. But they don’t want to make mistakes. In fact, great things are achieved as a result of a combination of mistakes. Successful people make lots of mistakes. This may be one of the most important reasons why they are successful.
Jerry Meadows says, “Anything worth doing is worth doing wrong – until you learn how to do it right. So just go out and do something.”
It's OK to Make a Mistake
Some of the fears that regularly hinder our activities are:
(a) Fear of making mistakes, (b) Fear of failing, (c) Fear of looking silly,
(d) Fear of feeling stupid and (e) Fear of rejection
Any of the above fears can actually manifest into headaches, pain, stress or a multitude of physical ailments. However, if we look at the real reason why these symptoms appear, it is sometimes started by an imagined fear. These fears are usually imagined and speculative. Robyn Henderson nicely interprets fear as False Evidence Appearing Real (FEAR). If you made a mistake don’t worry, it’s okay. Make another mistake. But the second mistake should be different from the first. Go on making various different mistakes and learn from each one of them until you make the last mistake. After your last mistake there are no more mistakes. This is where you will encounter your long cherished success.
Wish you good luck in making mistakes!
Yours forever,
Rajendra Sagolsem
There are so many secrets of success. Of all the secrets, some are basic. They are the following:
1. Desire
All the great personalities had a strong and burning desire to do great things in their life. Napoleon Hill says, “The beginning of every great success is desire.”
If you want something badly enough you will get it. Desire is a force that propels you forward. If you don’t have a strong desire to succeed, you won’t look for success. Think about your goal. How badly do you want to achieve it?
Your desire is the fire that heats you up to act and excel. You know a small fire can’t heat you up much. It is necessary therefore to have a big and strong fire that heats you up more. This intense fire is your passion. This is your burning desire to excel in anything. If you don’t know whether your desire is strong enough, think of all the reasons why you want to achieve your goal. If your reasons are very few, your desire is weak. If you have many reasons, your desire is strong. Think about the benefits you will get out of your achieving the goal. Write them down and read them aloud every morning. It is essential that your subconscious know what you want to achieve. Your strong desire will overcome the obstacles to your success. Remember, a strong desire can make a small molehill out of a big mountain.
2. Determination
You may have a strong desire to succeed. But if you are not determined to succeed, you won’t succeed. Desire and determination should go hand in hand.
Beethoven was told that he had no talent for music. Did he give up hope? Never! He was determined to learn music. And he gave the world some of the best pieces of music.
Wright Brothers were determined to fly. People made a mockery out of their flying attempts. Even the New York Times had an editorial on December 10, 1903 questioning their wisdom in inventing a machine, heavier than air, to fly. But they succeeded. Just a week after the editorial, the two brothers took their historical flight at Kitty Hawk.
3. Persistence
Persistence is a magic word. Even if you lack ability and skills, your persistence will lead you to your goal. The reason is very simple. You persist in doing something. You hang on to it long enough to develop your ability and skills. Remember, without persistence, anyone will quit in the middle of everything. Napoleon Hill studied many of the most successful people in the world. He showed one quality that was common to those great people and uncommon to most of us. Henry Ford had that quality. Thomas Edison had. Abraham Lincoln had. And a host of other great persons had. And that quality is persistence.
4. Patience
“Everything comes to him who waits,” is an old saying. Patience is the ability to wait for an outcome. We accomplish our greatest achievements over time, with considerable determination and persistence. If you don’t have patience, you can’t just persist. Patience is simple but not easy. If you have patience, you can wait. But most of us lack this ability. We want instant results. We want instant gratifications. To get instant results or instant gratifications, we willingly sacrifice good reasoning, good judgment, and even integrity. Jim Rohn says, “The twin killers of success are impatience and greed.”
5. Enthusiasm
In one of Dale Carnegie’s classes, one of the students said, “You know, I thought you had to sow seed to get bluegrass. But you don’t. All you’ve to do is throw hickory-wood ashes on the ground in the autumn, and bluegrass will come up in the spring.” Dale Carnegie was astonished. And he opposed the idea. But the student exclaimed, “I know what I’m talking about, Mr. Carnegie. After all, I did it.” And he went on speaking with enthusiasm. When he finished, Dale Carnegie asked the class, “How many believe this man…?” To his amazement, everyone in the room shot up a hand. When he asked them why they believed, almost all of them replied, “He is so enthusiastic about himself.” Ralph Emerson says, “Nothing great is ever achieved without enthusiasm.”
6. Will power
You have to develop strong Will Power to succeed. To achieve success, many secrets are to be taken care of. One such secret is developing strong Will Power. Vince Lombardi says, “Everyone has a will to win but very few have the will to prepare to win.” Everybody needs Will Power to do something. Dan Gable says, “When I’d get tired and want to stop, I’d wonder what my opponent was doing. When I could see him still working, I’d start pushing myself. When I could see him in the shower, I’d push myself harder.” This is the strong Will Power of an Olympian wrestler, who was determined to get gold medal. It took thirty-six years out of Noah Webster’s life to compile Webster’s Dictionary. Milton used to get up every morning at 4 am to write his Paradise Lost. You have to develop strong Will Power to work harder.
7. Discipline
If you want success, you have to be disciplined. Tim Connor says, “You’ve a choice in life: you can either pay the price of discipline or regret.” Discipline can be external or internal. Self-discipline is another name of internal discipline. It develops from within and is permanent. On the other hand, external discipline is imposed from outside. Discipline should not be an antithesis to freedom.
You may come across many people with talent and ability. They are energetic and hard working; yet utterly fail in their life. They are active when there is external control. But when they are left to themselves, they don’t do anything worthwhile. What these people lack is self-discipline.
8. Integrity
Integrity is necessary in our success journey. Honesty alone is not enough. Someone is very honest. He readily admits that he steals to make a living. He is honest. But he has no integrity. Suppose you know one guy in your neighborhood. He messes up others’ money. He messes up others’ belongings. He messes up others’ wives. You will agree that this man lacks integrity. Suppose he admits, he does whatever is said about him. This very man turns out to be quite honest. But do you like this person?
9. Punctuality
All the great people were punctual. They knew how to manage time. They knew the value of time. Punctuality makes a person reliable. It needs a strong character to be punctual. Suppose you are a student, and you are not punctual. Most of the time, you enter the classroom late by 10 or 15 minutes. Imagine the loss you have incurred. This habit is controlling you all the time. You entered the exam hall half an hour late. You went to catch a bus. You missed it. You went to catch a train. You missed it. You had to report for your flight one hour in advance. You didn’t reach the airport. You missed the flight. You went for an interview for a job. When you reached there, your turn was over.
If you want to do anything successfully in your life, your punctuality will pay you dividend. Remember, when you are punctual, everybody associated with you will also be punctual.
10. Courage
Courageous people die only once. But uncourageous people die many times in a single life. Courageous people succeed. Uncourageous people fail. Success involves courage to take risks. The risks should however be calculated risks.
A partially deaf four-year old Tommy came back from school one day. His mother found a note in his pocket. The note said, “Your Tommy’s too stupid to learn, get him out of the school.” His mother answered the note, “My Tommy isn’t too stupid to learn, I’ll teach him myself.” And that partially deaf little Tommy grew up to be Thomas Alva Edison, one of the greatest inventors. He had only three months of formal schooling. But his mother gathered all her courage to educate her son.
11. Hard work
Hard work has no substitute. It needs no special definition. Everybody knows it. All great people knew it. The difference is all great people were hard working. And most of us are not. If you want success, you have to work hard. However here is a very pertinent question. Are all hard working people successful? The answer is “No.” All great people were hard working but not all hard working people are great. The great people planned their works, and then worked their plans. This is the right way to success. Without proper planning, hard work alone doesn’t pay at all. So plan your work and then work your plan.
Yours forever,
Rajendra Sagolsem
Why in-laws are at daggers drawn most of the time? The antagonism and hostility between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws, hesitancy in clearing up the untidiness, and waiting for others who will finally clean the utensils are some of the In-Laws Syndromes. Jealousy and rights play a major role in creating conflict situations between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws. Mother-in-laws are jealous of their daughter-in-laws. Daughter-in-laws are aware of their rights and want to remind others in the family, especially their mother-in-laws verbally, in body language or in action.
There may be many other reasons, but jealousy, insecurity, rights, and personality clash seem to be the root cause for the lack of unity between them thereby bringing disharmony in the family.
If you are a daughter-in-law:
Suppose you are a daughter-in-law and you want to avoid any strained relationship with your mother-in-law. Then you have to understand three most important points:
(a) Your mother-in-law is jealous of you. She managed to bear all the pain when your husband was in her womb for almost nine months. She also managed the labor pain when your mother-in-law gave birth to your husband. Then she brought her son up, sent him to school and sent him for higher studies. She did whatever she could for her son, including cooking his food, washing his cloths, loving and caring. She didn’t get a full night’s sleep when your husband was a baby. He would cry in the middle of the night. She would breast-feed him to quiet his cry.
She knew time had come for his marriage. She would lead the entire family in arranging a grand marriage for her son. One fine day you got married to her son. Your mother-in-law was quite happy. But after a few years, may be months, she started feeling that her son had been snatched away from her. She also started feeling that her son’s love for her had been totally taken by you.
(b) Your mother-in-law is insecure. She started feeling that you were going to take over her place in the family. She started feeling you were intruding into her domain which she used to protect for the last so many years. Then she started feeling that you were her rival in the family. She became shaky and almost paranoid.
(c) Suppose your personality and your mother-in-law’s personality don’t strike the same cord. Many times, your activities may crash because of this clash. You and your mother-in-law may not be able to appreciate each other’s works. This may result in fault-finding which is most unwanted in human relationship.
Some mother-in-laws are reasonable and considerate. You can make good conversations with them. And you can team up well with such mother-in-law to push your family forward. Both of you can do so many fruitful things together. In fact, it is easier for you to deal with such type than to deal with an unreasonable, obstinate, and egoistic mother-in-law. Latter kind of mother-in-laws is strong headed. They are steadfast in their thinking influenced by old tradition and old belief system.
If your mother-in-law falls in latter category how will you deal with her? I will suggest that you have to just listen to whatever she has to say about family norms and family affairs. Don’t interrupt when she is saying something. If you interrupt, she may think or say you don’t have manners. She may even say you have not been properly disciplined in your parental home. But remember, she can only think and remember the old teaching she received from her parents who in turn learned from their parents or grandparents. She doesn’t know what modernity is. She doesn’t know what generation gap is. She is not aware of the changing time and changing values. She doesn’t want to know even. Even if she knows, these things are not worth a dime for her. Most of the time, she will try to advise you. And her advice is based on the century old values. But she takes it for granted that she is more experienced and knows far better than you do.
Such mother-in-laws are dangerous. Don’t do any kind of back biting. Don’t talk ill of her. Once she comes to know you are doing so, your relation will become quite bitter and quite sore. Don’t compare your mother-in-law with anybody, especially to her face or in presence of others.
If there is a personality clash between you and your mother-in-law, what will you do? It may be very difficult to live or work with people whose personalities don’t strike your cord. It is good to be soft, kind, gentle, and loving even if it is hard to do so. But it might not be a good idea to tolerate them all the time. If they repeatedly show disrespect, rudeness, abusiveness, threatening or violence, it is time to solve the problem permanently. End the relationship.
Unfortunately, you can’t do this to your mother-in-law. Think about your husband who is torn between your love and his mother’s love. He is quite stressed because of your personality clash. And you very well know the consequences of living a stressful life. Depression, high blood pressure, and heart attack are only a few of the results of living a stressful life. Then what shall you do? I will suggest that you find a way to release your emotion developed out of the clash. Release your anger in some good, positive, and constructive ways. Channelize or sublimate your negative emotions. Your anger and frustration come only when you don’t get what you expected to get. But you have to understand one important thing that not all expectations are real. You can't get everything you expected to get from your mother-in-law. And remember, if you can’t change others, at least you can change yourself.
Remember to apply the important techniques of human relationship. Never enter into any sort of argument. Never criticize, complain, nag or grumble. Treat her as your mother. And most importantly, don’t nurture a grudge for whatever she said to you out of emotion.
If you are a mother-in-law:
Suppose you are a mother-in-law and you want to deal with your daughter-in-law. Then try to understand two most important points.
(a) Your daughter-in-law is a legitimate member of your family. She joined your family after a legal marriage. She has all the rights as any member of your family has. You should understand that she has left her real home, her own mother, her own father, brothers and sisters. She has come to her new home which is also your home. You have the responsibility to teach her the family norms and family tradition for fruitful co-existence. You don’t have the right to exhume her ancestors for not knowing your family norms. Be careful. Never utter a word that will humiliate her ancestors. There is nothing more serious than this. She will definitely react in the same way as you will do when someone digs out your forefathers. There may even be a verbal fight between you and your daughter-in-law. And you won’t be happy that time. Will you?
(b) Your daughter-in-law knows her legitimate rights. She is aware that her marriage was a legal marriage. She knows she will one day handle all the affairs of the family. She knows she will one day become a mother-in-law. Some communities have the tradition of handing over the treasury keys to the first daughter-in-law. When handing over the keys, mother-in-laws use to say something like this, “From today onwards you are the custodian of all the family affairs. You are the goddess of wealth for this family. Take care of these keys.”
Some daughter-in-laws are non-assertive. They remain quiet and don’t utter a single word even when rebuked. In the beginning, you don’t have any problem for such daughter-in-laws. Suppose your daughter-in-law has a strong personality and submissiveness is not in her dictionary. She can’t tolerate rebuking and scolding. How will you deal with her? It’s a difficult question. Isn’t it? But answers are easy. As you are the mother-in-law, older and more experienced in home management, you will definitely desire to advise your daughter-in-law about the family norms and tradition. But her acceptance of your advice depends 100% on your way of dealing with her. If you use rude and crude methods, she won’t accept. If your way of saying is refined, not influenced by your jealousy and insecurity, and your methods are based on liberty and equality besides reasoning, she will readily accept.
Socrates once said, “A man can talk his way to the top of the world.” But with the same ability, the same man can talk his way to the bottom of the world too. Negative criticism is the only technique to be used. So, never criticize your daughter-in-law negatively. Neither think of suppressing, torturing nor bullying your daughter-in-law. Someone correctly said, “Those who bully can be easily bullied.” The bullies can’t hold their head high if other persons are stronger bullies. In Tom and Jerry, Tom always tries to bully Jerry. But when Puggsy, the dog shows up, Tom all of a sudden becomes timid.
Be mindful of your family and their daily stresses as well. If your conflict and its effects loom around in the family, all the members will be affected. They want peace and tranquility just as you do. When someone in the family, may be your daughter-in-law, does something good to contribute to the peace and harmony of your family, appreciate and praise them. Let them know you appreciate what they did. This will help foster more peace in the future. If you can’t bring adjustment with your daughter-in-law yet, find another way for bringing adjustment. Max DePree rightly said, “When you can't change the direction of the wind, adjust your sails.” It is your responsibility as a mother-in-law to create an environment in which everyone is well adjusted. Remember, J.R. Bookhoff said, “It is the atmosphere created primarily by the mother that makes a home worthwhile.”
Maintaining peace and tranquility in your home is not only important; it is a must for maintaining every member’s physical, mental and emotional health. Apply the suggestions given above and see if you can nurture a peaceful environment so your home becomes a safe haven for all the members of your family.
Yours forever,
Rajendra Sagolsem
Are your thoughts about an ensuing exam bothering you? Do you have any fear for such exam? Okay, this kind of a problem may not be yours. But most of the students have some kind exam fever. And some students are really panicky about exams. And they develop lots of stresses unnecessarily.
Exam stress has become a phenomenon now. With the advancement in the knowledge field, the curricula are becoming bigger and more difficult. And the parents are quite demanding these days. They are pressurizing their children to come up to their expectation. Whatever the cause, exam stress has become a bye-product of the education system today. Like other types of stresses, exam stress can’t be avoided or eliminated altogether.
You can only manage it:
First of all, don’t be afraid of exam. Keep going with your studies regularly and exam will take care of itself. Don’t worry. Simply apply these study techniques and follow the revision tips. And taking that exam may not turn out to be as fearful as you used to presume.
Study techniques:
Study two hours in the morning: Get up at 5:00 am and study up to 7:00 am
Study two hours in the evening: Get ready to study from 9:00 pm to 11:00 pm
Devote one hour for a topic in a subject. Divide this one hour into two parts: 45 minutes of study and 15 minutes of revision. Change your position while revising. Write down while revising. This will improve your hand writing, both beauty and speed. After all, you are going to write with your hand in the exam.
Remember, if you studied Mathematics or Physics in the first hour, devote your second hour for a subject like Biology, English or any language that is quite contrasted. Never study Physics just after Mathematics or Mathematics just after Physics. This will create monotony in your study and you will not be able to grasp to the maximum. And you will be simply wasting your precious time.
Motivation plays a great role in learning. Without motivation, learning just doesn’t take place. You should have someone to motivate you or you should get self motivated. To be self motivated, you should have some goals. Goals can be short term or long term.
Short term goals can be something like these:
(1) By the end of August, I will master the first three chapters in Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry and Biology. (2) I will get 100% in Mathematics in the coming September monthly test. (3) I will get 99% in Physics in the October monthly test, etc.
Long term goals can be something Like these:
I will become a Software Engineer and establish my own software company. Or I will become a medical doctor and run my own clinic.
Setting short term goals and achieving them is easier in a way. You can clearly see most of the short term goals. And you can also achieve them in a short span of time. But to achieve long term goals is a little bit tricky unless you divide them into smaller sub-goals. For example, “I will become a software engineer” is your long term goal. To achieve this goal, you will require 6-7 years. This is a long way to go. And your goal is too far to see it clearly. To achieve any long term goal therefore, you have to divide it into sub-goals.
Set up a good time table:
A realistic time table should be set up and followed strictly. To follow your own time table, you require self discipline. Learn to develop self discipline. And strictly follow the time table that you have made for your own success.
The following points can be suggested for making your time:
(1) Waking up time. (2) Home study time (Morning). (3) Breakfast & getting ready time. (4) School/college time. (5) Relaxing & Snacks time. (6) Tuition time (if any). (7) Home study time (Evening). (8) Sleeping time.
Different time tables should be made for school/college days and holidays. You should pay special attention to your eating, sleeping and exercising habits. You should be able to stay healthy because your persistent studies require good health.
How to revise effectively:
After 45 minutes of intense study, take 15 minutes off. During 15 minutes off, sharpen your brain by revising what you have read in the previous 45 minutes. If you do this, you will retain 75% of what you have studied and chances of forgetting are only 25%. If you don’t revise, you will forget 75% and retain only 25%. Your second revision for the same topic should be after 48 hours, third revision after 15 days. And the final revision should be done just before the test or exam.
One month before the exam:
By now, you have finished the major revision in all the subjects. Look for something you might have missed. Revise them in the very important category.
One week before the exam:
(1) Take it easy. Don’t tense yourself thinking about the exam. (2) Refresh yourself with light, stretching exercises. (3) Never forget to do the breathing exercise regularly. (4) Revise only the essential points.
The night before:
(1) Stay calm. (2) Study whatever you can. (3) But don’t overexert yourself. (4) Have a nice dinner and sleep for 6-7 hours.
The crucial day:
Ensure that you have everything required for the exam. Enter the exam hall 15 minutes before the start. Don’t forget to visit the toilet before entering the exam hall. Take your seat, close your eyes and do the breathing exercise. This will help you soothe your nerves and stay alert.
When the question paper comes to your hands, scan it from the beginning to the end. Carefully read the instructions given at the top: compulsory questions, different sections, the number of questions to be answered, word limits if any, type of answers and marks allotted to each question.
Now proceed:
(1) Quickly make a mental chart of the time to be spent on each question, section, parts, etc., of the exam. (2) Write rapidly but do not sacrifice accuracy.
(3) Never waste time on a difficult question, skip it and come back later to answer it. (4) First take up a question that you can answer best. (5) Ensure that the correct question number is written for every answer. (6) Carry out a revision and change if you have to and if there is time for the change.
(7) Guess an answer only when there is no negative marking for a wrong answer. Otherwise leave them if you don’t know for sure.
Exam is not a fearful event. Every day is an exam for all of us in our life. Develop self confidence. Believe in yourself. Don’t worry about anything else. Just write whatever you know.
Yours forever,
Rajendra Sagolsem
Emotions are psychophysical reactions to our environment. They are normally tied to a person’s feelings. Some of the important emotions are anger, fear, joy, love, hate, elation, and disgust. Again, anger, fear, hate, disgust, etc. are negative emotions. And joy, love, elation, etc. are called positive emotions. However, there are times when we need to control our emotions, whether positive or negative.
Those people who can’t control their emotions are frequently engaged in some kind of a fight, substance abuse, or unprotected sex. These can put their life in danger. This kind of a situation may be the result of their genetic factors, parental upbringing or social development.
You can get angry. There is nothing wrong in that. But you should watch out the actions taken out of your anger. What will happen to you if one of your actions turns out to be a crime? You may be prosecuted in a law court and sent to a jail. I think you won’t like that situation!
However never try to suppress your anger. That will alter the whole thing related to your personality. Instead, try to sublimate your anger. If you are angry with someone, don’t be vindictive. In fact, you are not angry with the person. You are angry with the situation. You can forgive and forget. And your negative emotion called anger can be converted into the positive emotion called love. Why don’t you try this?
Those people who can’t control their emotions exhibit some of the following symptoms:
They show uncontrolled and intense anger.
They are indulged in impulsive substance use, excessive sex, fast driving, etc.
They show uncertainty about relationships, values, self-image, and goals.
They tend to lack their self-esteem.
They develop suicidal tendencies.
They are engulfed in chronic boredom.
They develop consistent fear of rejection.
They are always in the extreme mood swings.
They show recurrent intense depression and anxiety.
The people who can’t control their emotions need extensive counseling. They require some specialists who can help them out. If they find some good counselors, they can help regain their control over their emotions. They can start gaining their self-confidence and realize their self-worth once again.
Emotions are required in our life. They are endowed on us genetically. However, we need to identify our emotions and decide if they are appropriate in a given situation. This will prevent serious disasters.
For some people, an emotion can be strong enough to take over what their brain dictates. It overrides logical reasoning that often results in negative emotional response and loss of inner peace.
To avoid unnecessary conflicts, just talk to yourself. Ask yourself about the possible consequences. This will help you calm down for a while and analyze the given situation before reacting. This process will give you a balancing strike in your logical thinking and emotional reactions. As a result, we will learn how to separate feelings from reality and can effectively express thoughts that are not hurtful to anyone.
The person who knows how to control emotions effectively is described as the following:
The person who has high emotional intelligence.
The person who knows how to effectively handle conflicts.
The person who has logical reasoning.
The person who has inner peace.
The person who has secured confidence about themselves.
If you want to control your emotions and if you don’t know how, here are a few tips you may consider.
Control Your Thoughts
Control your emotions by controlling your thoughts. Your thoughts should never
be allowed to control you. You should control your thoughts. Negative thoughts reduce energy needed to take actions. Pessimists are generally depressed. They are insecure in stressful situations. On the other hand, positive thoughts will allow you to focus on the positive side to confront the situations in a rational way. These will not allow your negative emotions to impair your judgment.
Slow Down Your Negative Emotions
Slow down your negative emotions, especially your anger. Your anger may compel you to say something hurtful to someone or do something destructive. Whatever you said out of anger can’t be taken back. Whatever you have done
out of your anger can’t be undone later on. Therefore, hold back your anger by learning how to control yourself. Just think about the possible repercussions of your actions due to anger. This will allow you to think twice before saying or
doing anything.
If You Are Angry With Someone Just Get Up And Go To Toilet
If you are angry with someone in a discussion or any situation, just get up and go to the toilet and stay there half an hour. Your anger will evaporate. After that come back to where you were before and participate in the discussion.
Physical And Mental Health Being Is Important Everywhere
Maintain a balance diet and engage in daily exercises. These can definitely affect your ability to control your emotions.
Emotions Are Important
Emotions are important and very powerful. They affect the way people think and act. They can encourage people to do good things or bad things. If you are doing good things, there is no problem. If your negative emotions compel you to do something bad, you know the repercussions.
Yours forever,
Rajendra Sagolsem
Stress is a form of tension or strain in the body or in the mind. It increases its intensity when a proper outlet is not given. It is however an integral part of our physical and mental system. We have inherited it through evolution. It is not something external. It is rather a vital force for normal functioning of our body. You can’t escape from it. It helped us in our survival all through those millions of years. It still does. So we can’t avoid stress. We can only manage it. If you don’t manage your stress, it can be your silent killer.
Stress can be physical, mental or emotional. Some amount of stress is always good for all of us. It not only helps us survive, it helps us move forward in life. In the olden days when life was very simple, stress didn’t give us much of a problem. But today stress has become a nuisance. In fact, stress is the curse of living in modern societies. We are all suffering from stress in some form or other. Especially in the cities and towns, people suffer from stress in a higher degree. And the stress we develop takes a heavy toll on our heart.
When you feel stressed, the best thing to do is just relax. To relax what will you do? You might want to sit in front of a TV. Ok, watching TV may be a form of relaxation for some, but it is not for everybody. When you watch TV you are always bombarded with commercials, ads, sounds and bright images. When you watch a movie, you are interrupted very often. This will definitely form stress in your mind. So how will you achieve proper relaxation by watching TV? Remember there are so many other ways you can relax.
If there are hundreds of events that can form stress in your mind, some of them may be: the problem of not meeting your deadlines, fear of your failure and resulting frustration, an impending danger, your financial problems, a quarrel with one of your colleagues or your spouse, traveling to a distant place, worry about your career or business, your personal health, your family health, loss of prestige or status, boredom, suppressed anger, loneliness, loss of hope, etc.
Heart problem is linked to anger. And unexpressed anger and constant anxiety are linked to mental stress. Too much stress can result in high blood pressure and heart attack. So if you are stressed, relaxation is the only answer to avoid disasters.
If you want to resort to relaxation to manage your stress, there are a few tips that will definitely help you. They are here:
1. Breathing exercise is the easiest way to relax. When you are stressed, your brain emits your mental waves at the speed above 40 – 30 cycles per second. By doing breathing exercise, you can bring this speed down to 14 – 7 cps to regain your Alpha State of Mind. In this state of mind, you are completely relaxed and refreshed. You can think properly. You can start a new task.
2. Physical stress can help you avoid your mental stress. So do some exercises. If you feel irritated a simple half an hour of exercise will often settle things down. You can recover from physical stress by taking a proper rest. But taking rest doesn’t reduce your mental and emotional stresses.
3. One great way of relaxation is to consult and listen to a professional therapist.
4. You can meditate to relax. People practice meditation to bring down their stress level. You can consult a Yoga teacher to get the best result.
There are several other ways to manage stress. Some of them are the following:
1. Make Stress Your Friend
When we come across anything fearful, we either confront or escape. This is called fight or flight theory. A hormone called adrenaline is just pumped into your blood stream and you are suddenly full of energy. That burst of energy will enhance your performance at the right moment. Have you ever seen anybody totally relaxed before a competition? Even an Olympian who has won gold medals several times, get tense before a big competition.
2. Avoid People Who are Stressed
Stress is contagious. Stressed people sneeze stress germs indiscriminately. If you are near them, you will be infected. Protect yourself by recognizing stressed people. And limit your contact with them.
3. Learn From The Best
Have you seen people who always smile? They pull on their life so easily and comfortably. These are the people who can manage their stress. Learn from them how to manage your stress. Or consult a counselor who can guide you in managing your stress.
4. Know Your Trigger Points
Interviews, speaking before an audience, tight deadlines, etc. trigger everyone’s stress. Find out your trigger points.
Knowing what makes you stress is a powerful step in managing your stress. You can always take proper action to lessen your stress.
So having stress can be a total drag. But that should not hinder you to find the inner peace of mind. Learn how to manage your stress.
Yours forever,
Rajendra Sagolsem
Why should you develop your personality? A pleasant personality is all what we want. With a pleasant personality, we can get along with people well. All the programs relating to personality development aim at building a better person, a better human being.
1. What is personality?
Personality is the overall behavior of an individual. It is the totality of an individual’s characteristics. When we say you have a good personality, we simply mean that you have a good mental ability, good physical build, good emotional control, good moral and spiritual status and good communication skill. When you say you have a poor personality, you mean you can’t communicate well with people. You are some sort of a shy person. You can’t influence and convince people.
In fact, the term personality is derived from the word, ‘Persona,’ meaning ‘Mask.’ We all put one kind of a persona on ourselves. If you have to put on a mask, please select a cheerful and charming mask.
2. Important Types of Personality
(a) Submissive vs. Aggressive
One group of people can be submissive. They can’t even assert themselves. Another group are aggressive. They always try to impose their ideas on other people.
(b) Introvert vs. Extrovert
A group of people can be introvert and remain aloof and silent. They don’t want to mix up with people. Another group can be extrovert. They love to wander around with people. They can’t remain silent even for a while. They are talkative.
(c) Negative vs. Positive
One group of people can have a negative personality. They always negate and oppose others. Another group can have positive personality. They are reasonable, considerate and reliable.
3. Development of Personality
(a) Untrained vs. trained Personality
If we leave ourselves to what we are, some of us may have good personality and others will develop bad personality. If we are trained, we all will acquire socially acceptable personality traits.
(b) 0-4 years: formative years of development
The period between 0 and 4 years is known as the formative years of one’s life. In fact, during this period, all kinds of development take place to the maximum. We can fill the remaining gap as we grow up.
4. Parents’ Role in Personality Development
Mother is the first teacher of a child. Other teachers including father come later on. The small children learn and develop their personality by imitating the behavior of the parents. The way they behave has a tremendous effect on the personality development of their children.
5. What Influence Personality Development
(a) Individual Self Development
Some people develop their personality on their own. Personality is not genetic. An introvert father can have an extrovert child. A mother with positive personality can give birth to child with negative personality. Personality is developed along with our physical, mental and emotional growth.
(b) Familial Influence
Some families are not liberal to their children. The parents and elders frame strict rules for the growing children to obey. The children can’t do anything freely. The parents dictate how the children should do and behave. The personality developed in such way is mostly negative one.
(c) Social Influence
Social environment plays a very great role in the personality development of the children. Social influence includes peer group influence, neighborhood influence, school influence, religious influence, etc.
6. Measuring your personality
There are some tests that can measure your personality. These tests measure your personality based on your responses to certain questions. They ask you to complete a sentence. They ask you to describe a situation. These tests are designed to analyze your reactions and responses. Your thinking and feeling determine your reactions and responses. Your personality is measured by simply analyzing your thoughts and feeling. If so, can you deny the fact that your personality is the manifestation of your thinking and feeling?
7. How to improve your personality
If your personality is what you think and feel, you can change your personality by changing your thinking and feeling. That is as simple as that. You can think any way you want to think. You can feel any way you want to feel. If you think that you are a rat, you will definitely feel and behave like a rat. If you think you are a lion, you will act like a lion. Think what you want to become and you will become what you want to become. This is the basic rule for personality development.
Your personality is what you are. What you are depends on what you think and feel. And what you think and feel depends on what you see, hear and read. Someone nicely said, “Be careful of your thought, for your thought becomes your action. Be careful of your action, for your action becomes your habit. Be careful of your habit, for your habit becomes your behavior. Be careful of your behavior, for your behavior becomes your character. Be careful of your character, for your character determines your destiny.”
There is a nice story I want to share with you. Once a cat looked into the mirror and saw himself as a lion. Do you know how the cat acted? He acted like a lion. A real lion came and looked into the same mirror and saw himself as a rat. Do you know how the real lion acted? You can guess how he acted. He acted like a rat and the cat chased him around.
It is very important to give a thought to your thinking and feeling. Your thinking and feeling is the root cause of your overall behavior. What you are today is the result of whatever you have thought and felt until now. If you are satisfied with your existing personality, go on thinking and feeling the same way you have been doing for the last so many years. If you want to improve or change your personality, then change your thinking and feeling. If you want to change your thinking and feeling, look at everything positively. Nurture your positive emotions. Read life history of great people. Do every day some constructive works. That is the easiest way to improve your personality.
Exercise for improving your personality
To change your personality into an attractive positive personality, start thinking the following:
1) I am friendly. 2) I am amazing. 3) I am amiable. 4) I am assertive. 5) I am attractive. 6) I am beautiful. 7) I am great. 8) I am blissful. 9) I am brilliant. 10) I am broadminded. 11) I am assertive 12) I am calm. 13) I am careful. 14) I am caring. 15) I am charming. 16) I am cheerful. 17) I am cool. 18) I am confident. 19) I am considerate. 20) I am elegant. 21) I am expressive. 22) I am extraordinary. 23) I am fair. 24) I am forward. 25) I am gallant. 26) I am gregarious. 27) I am happy. 28) I am hopeful. 29) I am hospitable, 30) I am important. 31) I am impressive. 32) I am incomparable. 33) I am jolly. 34) I am kind. 35) I am lovely. 36) I am moderate. 37) I am modest. 38) I am noble. 39) I am optimistic. 40) I am outstanding. 41) I am overwhelming. 42) I am peaceful. 43) I am polite. 44) I am prominent. 45) I am realistic. 46) I am reliable. 47) I am noble. 48) I am smiling. 49) I am spirited. 50) I am victorious.
You can think more about whatever you want to be. But you should think with emotion (feeling). Far better, you should do the loud thinking. Cite the statements audibly to yourself. This will function as your affirmation. Your affirmation of your desire to improve your personality should go deep down into your subconscious mind (inner mind). The more you repeat them, deeper they will submerge. You know, your subconscious mind will prompt you to do whatever you seriously want to do.
To get the positive results, however, believe in yourself. Believe in what you do.
Yours forever,
Rajendra Sagolsem
|
RSS Feed